i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
