mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
