I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
