Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
