captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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