I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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