she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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