Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
