What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
