Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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