It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize