Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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