i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
