i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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