toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize