see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Randomize
