she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
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