If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
