I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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