Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
