Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
