went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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