apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
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Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
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I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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