I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
