Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize