If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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