So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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