Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
