He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
