youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
