omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
