I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
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You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
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it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i think my cat just said my name.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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