you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
