I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
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Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
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Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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