There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
