I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
