Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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