No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So vagazzling was a success
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize