They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
