Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
