good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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