the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
