Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
