Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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