Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
