If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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