Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
