Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
