Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
