Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
