I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
