I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.