I'm sorry my penis didn't work
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
NoShamevember. You game?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you