If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi