haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills