I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
