I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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