This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
