she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
whose parrot is this?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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