idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
