jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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