so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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