Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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