I bet he comes in French.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize