hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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