I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
